Andrew Douglass

A direct misquote about the life of Andrew…

“You may not know this about me... but I invented belly button lint. It started out, like all inventions do, as an accident. I forgot to clean the lint trap in my dryer, and by the end of a hot sweaty day, I was convinced I'd grown mold in my nether-navel regions. But, I found out, after careful examination using only a microscope, a centrifuge, and my taste buds, that it was just clothing lint and dead skin cells, balled together in sticky sweat - much like paper mache, but smellier.

At first, people laughed at me, but I knew better, being the trend setter that I was, that this belly button lint thing was going to be HUGE! Sure enough, after only a few short months, I had a following that Ghandi would have been envious of. Construction workers, plumbers, computer geeks, and even super models. They all wore their belly button lint to try to be in the "innie crowd".

But, some darn doctor came forward, as they always do, and proclaimed that four out of five of his personalities agree that belly button lint is unhealthy, and could cause the mumps. Or at least a rash.

Alas, my fashion trend-setting days were over, and I had to scoop out my belly button, or face the torment of my peers and worshipers.

Sometimes I miss it - the fame, the easy women, the fact that my innie looked like a furry outie. But I'm happier now.”

All the above may be misleading and untrue…. But then again, perhaps not. We will not really know until Andrew sits down and writes us a proper bio!